jemery.comJesse's blog

Well, since everyone is doing lists…

Best moment

The US electing Obama.

Worst moment

Katrina. Yes, it was worse than 9/11. Sorry, it just was. 9/11 may have had a more profound impact on world events and American politics, but ultimately Katrina was a far more horrifying event. (note: I realize this is a profoundly American view. The worst moment for humanity was by far the Indonesia tsunami.)

Douche of the decade

Wow, it was a spectacular decade for douchebaggery. On the list of obvious choices you have Bush or anyone in his administration, Osama bin Laden, Brownie, credit card companies, all the neocon leadership, James Dobson, H1N1, Musa Hilal, RIAA, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, Pope Ratz, Rupert Murdoch, and anyone who voted or lobbied for deregulation of the financial industry. Ultimately, unfortunately, it has to go to us, all of us. For letting these idiots get elected, for not doing enough to fight to curb carbon emissions, for not holding anyone in our government or media accountable. Sorry, but you and me and everyone else is the Douche of the Decade. You may now buy yourself a hat or a shirt or whatever as a prize.

Idiot of the decade

Pseudo-tie: Intelligent Design proponents and climate change deniers. Its pseudo since these two crowds often happen to be the same idiots. Both of these movements are like the new religions of the 21st century. ID isnt even pseudoscience, its really just mythology: a bunch of made up horseshit used to control people. And climate change deniers. Wow. I really dont care how financially beneficial it is for you to spout your nonsense. You know why? Cause all that money you might be able to leave to your progeny wont be worth fuckall if the planet becomes inhabitable. Or even if it just starts to suck hard enough to throw us all back to the stone age and your accrued currency will be laughed at for not being potable water.

Sucker of the decade

I could repeat the above, but that’s lazy, so instead: Anyone who bought real estate in 2005/6. Bonus points if you got an ARM.

Best movie of the decade

In retrospect, there were actually a surprising number of great movies, from Fellowship of the Ring to Fahrenheit 9/11 to Food Inc to District 9 to An Inconvenient Truth. I’ll give the nod to Al Gore, if for no other reason than Truth was the most important topic.

Worst movie of the decade

Attack of the Clones. If you had told me in the 1990s that there would be three more Star Wars movies and that I would fall asleep during one of them I would have been sure you were high. Alas… Plenty has been written about all the failings of this movie, from the comical courtship to the astonishingly tensionless action sequences, to say nothing of the actual title. What gets the film the award is that it confirmed that, indeed, the prequels were going to suck. The Phantom Menace left some doubt, after all the lightsaber duel at the end kicked ass, but AotC took a big fat wooden stick and stabbed it deep into the heart of our Star Wars Childhoods, and then twisted it a few times.

Runner up: Cloverfield. The only movie where I’ve actually seen people go to the theater manager and ask for their money back.

Best tech of the decade

RSS and Blogs. That’s right, stupid and simple. Nothing did more to empower so many as keeping web sites simple, giving non-technical users better software, and bringing about a standardized distribution format (Atom is still better, but that’s irrelevant to the point here…). I get asked whats the difference between a blog and web site? a lot. For a long time, I used to just say nothing really. But then I started answering a different question: what makes a blog a blog? A blog is a web site whose format is a list of content. That sounds like a non-answer, but when you look at all the various attempts to revolutionize web navigation (remember when mouseovers were like the greatest javascript trick ever? Or, anything in Flash, see the next entry), the revolution was make a list, and do it in a way that computers and humans can digest the list with equal accuracy.

Best tech of the decade 2

Cloud computing. Despite it befuddling CNN reporters, on-the-fly provisioning and scaling are one of the most fundamentally positive changes to computing. From the short-turnarounds to the benefits of everyone getting their data into a datacenters. And don’t listen to those CNN reporters. Your data is MUCH better off in a datacenter than on DVDs stored in your file cabinet. Yes, there have been a few outages, and there will certainly be more. Guess what, your stuff is still better off in the cloud. Seriously, just ask yourself, who is more likely to lose all your precious photos, Flickr or you? Does your home office have redundant power and backups and electronics-safe fire suppression? I didn’t think so.

Worst tech of the decade

Flash. Yes, I realize that it was around in the 90s, but Youtube, banner ads and ActionScript 3 took Flash to a whole new level of distribution and ambition in the 00s. Never has a technology put more power to crash more computers into the hands of so many.

Im not even sure where to start with all the ways that Flash is awful, but Ill try: Its proprietary, it incurs tremendous overhead for development and maintenance (and bandwidth…), its chock full of opportunities for memory leaks and namespace collisions, its only pseudo-searcheable (and even that is a recent development)… sigh, this is just making me angry. Heres a google link if you need more reasons.

Final thought: If you want to see just how much Flash wrecks your browsing experience, install Flashblock.

Worst tech of the decade 2

Identity. Or the lack thereof rather. How many logins and passwords do you have? How many times do you have to update your physical address if you move? This might be the singular failure of this century, so far, by the tech industry. OpenID isnt going to get it done. OAuth is promising, but it still doesn’t really feel like a solution to this problem. There is a lot of work to be done on identity in the Teens.

Best TV

Battlestar Galactica.

Worst TV

Battlestar Galactica.

Best album

American Idiot.

Most obnoxious musical phenomenon

I couldn’t really do Worst album since Im sure its something I would refuse to listen to. In lieu of that, I have to go with Maroon 5 and all their similar genre of pop. This Loves whiny, choppy, horrid self was inescapable in public spaces for much of the middle part of the decade and personified a large amount of the useless, annoying music that drives people away from pop after they get out of puberty.

And you thought I was going to say Britney.

Neatest phenomenon

Voter turnout. Its amazing how well a bad president motivates people.

Most annoying phenomenon

The destruction of written English. I’m as guilty as the next person of having typed lol a gazillion times in the last ten (okay, 15 for me…) years. But really look at this. Wow, just wow.

That’s it for now.